Navigating the last six months of a medical illness with our daughter has been both draining and bolstering. There have been days along this journey that the most I could conjure was to make advocating phone calls to doctors, engage in conversations with the insurance company, briefly interact with our immense support system, and sleep. The pressure of all things combined, would intermittently weigh so heavy that I wondered how we would survive it all. Yet, the mornings that I was most feeble, I would work on my Scripture journal and quote biblical truths to the emotional lies that threatened to weaken my resolve.
However, if I confront the fact that my perspective comes from choice and not chance, I discover that the storms can produce strength and tenacity. Throughout the decline of our daughter’s health, I have learned a few things along the way. Celebrate the small victories and find ways to express gratitude. Determine to look for the ways that God’s hand of faithfulness is always working on behalf of me, His child. He may not always answer the way I want Him too, but I know He can be trusted and I know He is always working to produce the best for me, as well as, ways to advance His kingdom.
I don’t always feel the strength of my faith, therefore, I learned to surround myself with its truths. I reached out to a friend who makes jewelry to secure a necklace that stated, “He heals the brokenhearted.”
I wore this necklace to many doctor appointments. One particular appointment, I sat on the bench in the patient’s room, rested my forearms on my knees and lowered my head. I was exhausted. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, I was waning. The necklace dangled directly under my chin and all I could see was, “He heals.” I began to repeat that phrase in my mind, “He heals. He heals. He heals.” Yet, in the confession that “He heals” I had to recognize that I could not fixate my expectations on a certain manifestation of how He would heal.
Several weeks later, I reached out again to my friend to purchase another necklace. This one stated, “He makes all things new.”
Chatting with a fellow suffering sojourner over text, we discussed that we knew Scripture to be true and that He creates beauty out of ashes. We also agreed that He makes all things new. However, “new” doesn’t mean “as it was before,” but different. Firmly holding to Scripture, regardless of what we saw or felt, we would trust the difference to be for our best and His glory.
To those of you walking with a limp, alongside many others of us, I won’t pretend to have all the answers. Life is beautiful and ugly, bitter, but sweet, clear, yet mysterious. One day, the sons and daughters of God will fully enjoy the opus He was composing and conducting within the mirror of our lives.