Dancing

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You steady me
Slow and sweet, we sway
Take the lead and I will follow
Finally ready now
To close my eyes and just believe
That You won’t lead me
Where You don’t go

I sit down to tap out words in hopes that one will mingle with the other to create a coherent thought. I pace the floor, drum the wall with my forehead, entertain negative thoughts about my lack. Parallel to many other moments in my life when I am rendered helpless, I collapse to my knees and beg the Holy Spirit to intervene.

You call me to scratch thoughts on paper, but who will read? You call me to use my voice to cry out into the desert, but who will listen? You call me to dance with discipline, but I’m going to fail again. What’s the point? Pray with a young child to make you the Lord of her life, is she even able to comprehend?

When my faith gets tired
And my hope seems lost
You spin me round and round
And remind me of that song
The one You wrote for me
And we dance

My oldest boy easily relents to frustration. What if his efforts yield nothing? He explains how basketball practice takes up more time than he wants to give. The games are hard work and his efforts rarely divulge the results he anticipates (whose child is this?). Yet, his daddy continues to sit in on every practice, show up at every game, shoot hoops in the driveway with him, encourage him in specific ways he can be successful on the courts and even implements rewards for baskets made, rebounds and steals secured.

And I’ve been told
To pick up my sword
And fight for love
Little did I know
That Love had won for me
Here in Your arms

Caden lined up for the jump ball, the buzzer reverberated off the walls, and the game was under way. Our boy played with a tenacity we had yet to see from him over this last year of intermittent basketball seasons. His effort captivated our attention. By the end of the first quarter, he had scored three baskets. This was the most baskets he had acquired in one game. By the end of the first half, he had scored an additional basket with an additional ten rebounds/steals. He closed out the game having scored twelve of the team’s twenty-four points and eleven rebounds/steals. The scoreboard buzzer alerted to the end of the game and Caden looked in our direction with an ear to ear, toothy smile and an arm extending thumbs up (and his piggy bank a little heavier).

You still my heart again
And I breathe You in
Like I’ve never breathed ’till now

Amber, you must silence the negative thoughts and doubting voices. It isn’t about the outcome of each journey I lead you on. It’s about your obedience and the maturity I want to develop in you. Sure, there are others with footwork that is more refined and their choreography may be more graceful than yours may. Yet, this dance is not about them and me. This is our dance; you and me. I am leading you. I am dancing with you. Relax yourself in the embrace of my arms. Stop scanning the room and lock eyes with me. No voice matters but mine.

And I will lock eyes
With the One who’s ransomed me
The One who gave me joy for mourning
And I will lock eyes
With the One who’s chosen me
The One who set my feet to dancing

Alongside my oldest boy, I am continuing to learn that we must keep taking steps in the right direction. Showing up to practice and exerting effort even when it seems daunting. Focusing myself in each game, whether it’s a speaking event, writing a blog post, leading a small group, or loving those around me in small ways will sharpen my skill, tune my heart a little more clearly to His, and generate the results only He can give. The journey will continue to be peppered with meltdowns, failures, confidence and maturity. However, it’s about training my temporary eyes not to focus on the outcome, but on the eternal benefit of growing up in my knowledge and understanding of His provision and sovereignty on behalf of His little girl.

We dance
Just You and me
It’s nice to know I’m not alone
I found my home here in Your arms

*Italicized words are lyrics from Bethel Music’s song “We Dance” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fFfw6OSbUwE

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