I pulled the Toyota into Southwest’s unloading area for departing flights. My heart was rapidly thumping and I worked to control my breathing. I was getting ready to send my baby boy on a flight with Grandma. My older two would be attending church camp this summer. Therefore, Cale would be attending grandparent camp for several days. I knew the three of them were going to make a multitude of memories. I wasn’t concerned for his care and I was overjoyed that He was being given this opportunity. There is simply something about letting my child go such a long distance for such a length of time. There are many elements out of my control and I can’t know if this goodbye is temporary or the last one. It sounds dramatic; I know. But, a seed of fear can wreak havoc on my momma’s heart, if I let it grow roots.
The speaker declared from the stage, “Fear is faith in the enemy.” It’s clear to me that the Lord knew His children would struggle with fear. He stated 365 times in Scripture, in some form, “Do not fear.” He gave us a declaration to live by each day of the year. He knew we would face death and sickness. He knew we would be inflicted with pain during our lives. He knew we would find ourselves in a sterile room, waiting for test results. We would struggle to release our children to experience life without our direct supervision. We would fight for control in situations-when in reality it is an elusive ideal.
I’m convinced that the Lord thrusts me into overbearing situations so that I will learn to walk with Him more intimately. He uses these experiences to train me to revert to His promises in Scripture, where I find His words to be an anchor. It’s in these times that I learn; He is enough. He is true, trustworthy and His peace keeps.
In the book, The Hardest Peace, the author, Kara Tippetts, encourages the reader not to be overcome by fear of the “what if.” Instead, she encourages the reader to go to the worst case scenario. When you get to that valley, ask yourself, “Will He be there?” The answer is always, “yes.” Yes, Jesus will be there. He will be there because He is true to His promise, “The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid…”Psalm 118:6 “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me…”Psalm 23:4
Lord, I wrestle to relinquish control to you. I don’t like it, but, thank you for the reminders in the small and big moments, that I was never in charge-nor will I ever be. You alone orchestrate my days and the days of my loved ones. Even in uncertainty and grief, You are good. Your word teaches me that your character is good. Circumstances, outcomes, and diagnosis don’t have to be good, for me to know your goodness. Thank you for this hope, which anchors my soul.