“Your time as a caterpillar has expired. Your wings are ready.” Quote from philgoodlife
Tomorrow morning I will physically hold the hand of my five year and nine year old as I walk them into the brown bricked building for their first day of Kindergarten and Third grade. An hour before, I will have emotionally and prayerfully held the hand of my confident, enthused, Middle-school girl into the new-to-her sixth grade center.
It’s a difficult reality to grasp when your book ends are chartering new seas; new seas for them and new seas for you. All three kids have been counting down to launch day, tomorrow. We have had an action packed, bond together type of summer, but they each eagerly await the newness of what lies ahead.
Last night, we left “meet the teacher night” for the younger two and headed toward the parent information meeting for sixth graders. The truck jostled down the terrain of the road, my feet rested on the dashboard. Sitting in the passenger seat next to Matt, I admitted, “The reality of this isn’t just about them. All three of our kids are officially in full day school Thursday. Not only are they growing and changing, but I am not the woman I was eleven years ago when I began staying home to navigate my only responsibility of sustaining and raising three kids between the stages of ankle biters and knee knockers.” My thoughts flooded with memories of a Twenty-Three year old girl who rubbed her oversized beach ball belly as she walked circles around her looping neighborhood waiting for the journey into motherhood to begin. Almost two years of marriage were underway and motherhood was on the brink. That time was somewhat isolating, as most of my peers had yet to join me in either stage. It was full of excitement, some fear, and the birthing of a season unearthing Amber. Who was I? What was important to me? What gifts and talents did I have? What made my heart ache? What made my soul sing? How was I different? How was I the same?
Somehow, in the tedious days of nursing, diaper changing, Nick Jr. TV, lack of sleep, fleeting patience, play dates, extra weight, mommy groups, refereeing spats, discipline, car seats, diaper bags, and toddler fits, there were pockets of time, the Lord drew me close and nurtured that nomadic heart of mine. The last decade (especially the first ¾ of it) were some of the most grueling times. I have never been so extended beyond my humane capabilities. There were moments, I was certain one of us might not make it out alive. Yet, looking back on that chunk of time that I do not care to repeat, it gives me a depth of gratitude for the decade that lies ahead. I know the struggles and heartaches will be different as a mother and as a woman, but like my three babies who are morphing into three enjoyable people, I am embracing the horizon ahead with such relief, hope and anticipation; and a twinge of sadness that it indeed flew by before I could blink.
My momma heart unconditionally loves these three kids I am preparing to release into this next season of life. I know they will fall and scar, yet, I know they will also run and soar. I can’t help but believe my Heavenly Abba feels, sees and projects the same for me.